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During your relationship with the narcissist you were probably accused of doing and being all sorts of things that you know at a logical level you certainly wouldn’t do.Such as: Being unfaithful, a pathological liar, untrustworthy, unscrupulous, a gold-digger, mentally unstable, attention-seeking, a horrible parent, a child-abuser, horrible, unloving, selfish (’It is all about you’), ‘You don’t treat me like an equal’, or that are the narcissist…etc Maybe you had a narcissistic parent and you were told that you weren’t good enough, you were selfish and a bad person.I want you to remember this point…it’s important, and I will come back to this.For all the narcissist’s ‘confidence’ and ‘acclaim’ and statements of ‘specialness’ about him or herself – the narcissist has an very poorly defined Inner Self, and is constantly plagued by feelings of inadequacy and The narcissists tries to be ‘perfect’, ‘special’ ‘wealthy’ supportive’ ‘attractive’ ‘an incredible lover’ or ‘wonderful’ or whatever it takes to win your approval (in order to feed and maintain his or her False Self), and then when he or she does not get the payoff (you mirroring back sufficiently) to maintain feeling ‘perfect’, ‘special’ ‘wealthy’ ‘attractive’ or ‘wonderful’.This person is not brain-wired ‘normally’ and is not going to change.The ‘love’ you thought was real or possible is not. What was going on in the name of ‘love’ is this: The relationship was never going to be healthy or work…Melanie Tonia Evans is an international narcissistic abuse recovery expert.
Because authentic feelings about ‘self’ Sooner or later the narcissist’s False Self is not appeased enough.They are capable of accepting being ‘wrong’ and ‘imperfect’ and realise it is a part of the normal human experience.‘Normal’ people may not necessary like it – The narcissist’s False Self then goes into automatic deflection and projection.Due to the narcissist’s self-disgust with his or her unhealed/ disowned parts, this is a necessary emotional survival mechanism.
He or she will inevitably This ensures two things: 1) You are punished for challenging the False Self, and 2) You become the atrocious person who has committed all of these unacceptable things (or at the very least have been the cause of them).
The larger the ego the more pronounced the backlash.